You have probably come across the statistic that 70per cent of all communication is non-verbal. But have you given much thought to what that actually means? Link this with another well know statistic that when introduced, people make up their minds about you within the first two minutes, what it means is that if you want to influence people then you need to understand and hone your non-verbal skills.
Michael Grinder, an expert in the field of non-verbal communication, has developed what he calls ‘Patterns of Pentimento’; different areas of non-verbal communication that can be mastered to maximise your personal impact.
Pentimento was originally used to describe alterations made to paintings. By close inspection of the cracks that often appear in the canvas of old oil paintings art historians discovered that many had either been painted over earlier works or that the work had undergone a number of changes before it was finished. So penitmento has become synonymous with the ability to see additional layers or patterns hidden beneath the surface of something.
Grinder states that as communicators we have been over-trained in eye contact. If the interaction is a positive one, such as giving praise then it is okay to make eye contact. However if the interaction is negative, for example, telling someone that they are not performing then it is better to employ a third point of reference. By making initial eye contact and then looking down at the individual’s appraisal document (a third point of reference) the communication becomes less emotional and more factual; a far more effective way to get your message across.
Communicators or presenters are often concerned that in pausing they will lose the audience’s attention. However if you emphasise a point with a pause and a frozen hand gesture (hold your hand still), the listener will pay attention to what you have said, the pause allowing them time to processes the content; pauses can be very powerful. Although you may have felt overwhelmed by the media coverage of the recent US presidential election I am sure you probably saw both candidates in action. Barack Obama is a master of the pause and frozen hand gesture.
Grinder has also grouped non-verbal behaviour together and come up with two generic programmes that he has labelled, ‘cats’ and ‘dogs’. Grinder is quick to point out that neither cat-like nor dog-like behaviour is better than the other however it is good to know who you are dealing with if you want to make the right impact.
Cats want to be credible, while dogs want to be approachable. These behaviours can be identified in our voice patterns. A cat can be identified by someone who holds their head still so that their voice pattern is flat and intonation curls down; the impression is that they are sending information. A dog would be someone who bobs their head whilst talking which results in a rhythmic voice pattern and intonation curls up; the impression is that they are seeking information. A cat will not find a dog credible and is therefore less likely to be influenced by them. A dog will find a cat less sociable and will not trust them - without trust you cannot influence.
If you overlay breathing on top of a cat or dog voice pattern you can get some interesting results. If your breath is shallow and fast i.e. from your upper chest then when employing either voice pattern a listener will not feel safe because the approachable pattern is perceived as pleading and the credible voice as angry. When your breath is full and slow i.e. from your abdomen then a listener will hear the approachable pattern as being open to dialogue and the credible voice pattern as being definitive. As nervousness can cause tightness around the chest it often results in quick shallow breathing which will reduce your personal impact.
Research has shows that organisations (and cultures) are made up of 30 per cent credible cats and 70 per cent approachable dogs. So as we enter an economic recession wouldn’t it be good to find out who are the cats and dogs in your organisation?
To find out more about Michael Grinder visit www.michaelgrinder.com
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