You ask: I was shocked to find out that I had upset a junior member of staff; he doesn’t report to me but does support my department. This person has applied for British citizenship and I referred to this in a recent staff meeting. Obviously one of my staff must have then mentioned it to the individual concerned because he came to see me. He demanded to know if it was me that had betrayed his confidence and, once I had admitted that it was indeed me, let me know in no uncertain terms how upset he was that I had made this ‘private’ matter ‘common knowledge’.
Of course I apologised. I actually had no idea that the matter was private and said as much. However, on reflection I’m confused by this individual’s behaviour.
As I don’t need to interact with this individual directly I’m finding it rather convenient to avoid him. I know what’s done is done but I don’t feel my apology was sufficient. What other action could I take to put things right?
Janet says: Firstly I’m curious to know how you found out about this individual’s application for British citizenship. Directly or indirectly I going to assume the source was his manager. So I’m wondering why he or she did not ask you to keep this information confidential. In fact considering how sensitive you have discovered this subject is to the individual concerned I’m wondering why his manager saw fit to share this information with you at all. However you are where you are.
You say that ‘you don’t understand this individual’s behaviour’. Try to put yourself in the shoes of an individual applying for citizenship. The process is bureaucratic and lengthy and probably intimidating to the uninitiated. Under these circumstances it is easy to understand why a person would not want this made ‘public knowledge’ – there is always the risk of rejection. That risk, no matter how small, could hang over an individual’s head like the sword of Damocles. Imagine how humiliating it would be, having shared this fact with colleagues, to then be in the unenviable position of having to announce that you’ve been turned down? Keeping quiet would not be an option as everyone would want to know how things were going – at some stage you would have to come clean.
We’re also verging on individual identity and personal worth here and there is nothing more sacred. It can indeed be a highly sensitive area and unfortunately you have found that out the hard way.
Well done for apologising and not going on the defensive – that shows real emotional intelligence. As you say you had no idea how sensitive this issue was and therefore would not have considered any possible ramifications in mentioning it in open forum. What you don’t know you don’t know and there is little mileage in beating yourself up about this.
Is there anything you can do to put this right? Well first I’d ask you for whom do you wish to put things right? To be blunt it seems to me your motive is purely a selfish one – you want to feel better about what you did. Like many unpleasant or difficult situations your wounded feeling will heal as time passes. However do make sure you do not loose the valuable lesson you have learnt.
Of course, you cannot know how the injured party now feels about this situation. They may well have accepted your apology. Having had time to reflect on events themselves they may now have approach the person that the believed ‘leaked’ the information in the first place. In this case they will have expressed their feeling on this subject to that person too. Remember they will have ‘moved on’ from where they were when they left your office so don’t make the mistake of thinking you will be addressing the same person that spoke to you a few days ago.
It is possible that they did not explicitly ask whoever they told about their application for citizenship that it was in confidence. If this is so you could receive another, quite different visit from the individual concerned. So doing nothing for a short period of time may be the best option here.
If taking action will help you feel better then take positive action to ensure that this situation cannot happen to someone else. Speak to the individual’s manager and explain what has transpired and how you feel. Ask him to take whatever action is necessary to ensure that privacy is maintained in future. If they are the culprit and have any integrity at all they will own up and take their fair share of the blame here.
You could apologise to this individual again. But you have already done this and, it appears to me, done it with sincerity. Less is more – if you are looking for forgiveness then forgive yourself.
Categories: On the coaching couch ,
Comments
All comments
You need to be registered with the IET to leave a comment. Please log in or register as a new user.